Some Improvements!

I haven't wrote a blog in a bit but that's mainly because I've been resting a lot and trying to get myself back into the real world all at the same time. Some good news to report however is that even though my Opthamologist said I would have perminant damange to my perifrial vision I was sitting on the couch last week and was able to see my cat that was on the top of the couch to my right using perifrial vision! So while it may be slowly improving at least it's improving! That and my Double vision is becoming less frequent and previously I wasn't able to lift my right eyebrow or lid and I am able to do it slightly! So a few improvements even though some are small and slow they are at least heading in the right direction!

I've been out shopping a few times and it seems to tire me out easily but little by little I'm trying to integrate myself back into society. My Surgeons appointments today was rescheduled for Dec since he was need in Emergency Surgery but I do have an MRI scheduled for Friday in Hamilton and then with my Family Dr on Monday and hopefully get my last stitch out because it's been hurting like hell. After that I meet with the Cancer Centre on Dec 2 to learn the results of the Genetic Marker Tests and to see what my Treatment will be and schedule for that as well and then I meet with my Surgeon on Dec 3. I have an appointment in the new year to meet with an Endocrinologist in the new year I beleive a Dietician as well. So there are a lot of appointments ahead and some more tests to be done but I'm muddling through.

~Tara

Perm Damage :(

'm back from my Opthamologist appointment and I suppose things could be worse. I knew previously that the surgery had messed up my vision in my right eye and today I was to find out to what extent it did. My Dr said that my double vision should correct itself within the next few months as should the blurryness but that I unfortunately suffered perminant damage in both eyes in regards to my Perifreial vision .He said if there would be any hope for it to correct itself at all it would be within the next few months but he doesn't beleive it will. How this effects me is that I simply would never be able to drive and things such as crossing the street are a little more dangerous but other than that my vision will be fine. It sucks drastically but I'm trying to stay positive and think that it could be a lot worse. I go back and see this Dr in March to do some more tests and see if at that point I've regained any more of my vision, for now I have a droopy right eye due to the nerves not sending my muscles any messages to work! lol But other than that I'm doing a lot better than the Drs have expected me to which is good.

~Tara

Chemo Fashion

So I've been told and have been reading about the effects of chemo and radiation and of course losing your hair is one of them. I figured if I'm going to lose my hair I'm going to look fashionable while doing so:) It's been difficult finding anything real cute, I guess most chemo patients just want to cover their bald heads and don't care about much else but dammit I want to make a fashion statement! So I was thinking it sucks that my chemo and radiation is going to start in the dead of winter right before christmas but that means I can be all chrismasy! lol So I looked online and found a chemo hat that is hand made 100% cottom in fabric that is the Peanuts Christmas lol It is so cute and I will wear it to my radiation appointments:)I saw the cutest chemo hat at the Cancer Centre that I might pick up when I'm there next, and my Mom actually bought me my first chemo hat to. It's white with a satin lining inside and really comfy.I think I'll wear the hat today though, afterall it is kinda cool outside and it will hide my scars since my hair hasn't grown back in yet. Chemo Fashion, such a sad reality that such a thing even needs to exist.

~Tara

Stitches & Staples are out

I went to my Drs yesterday to get my staples & stitches out and all but 1 stubborn stitch is gone! I can't tell you how much better my head feels, but that one stitch is causing a significant amount of pain too! It honestly felt like barbed wire was being pulled from my head when the Dr was pulling it out, not the best feeling I tell ya. But the good thing is that this evening I will be able to take a warm damp cloth to my head to losen the dried blood and iodine and should that go fine without any issues I can FINALLY wash my hair!!! Who knew something as simple as washing your hair could excite you lol I am suppose to get some bloodwork today but I'm not sure I'll get out in time to do that and I might end up doing it tomorrow, but Thursday I meet with my Opthamologist to see about the vision in my right eye and see what we can do to restore that. One day at a time, that's how I'm taking things.

~Tara

This has all been a whirlwind

I was visiting with my girlfriend Cody tonight when it hit me: So much has happened in such a small amount of time. It was Aug 18 when I had my first "episode" that I later found out was a seizure and it was Aug 23 that I first went to my Dr because I was concerned about these "episodes". It has been a mere 10 weeks since I had my first seizure, gone through a battery of tests, had major surgery to remove a tumor from my brain and learn that I have Cancer. That's right, it's been a mere 10 weeks that all of this has happened in, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. Yes it's good the Drs were on the ball and found out what was wrong and acted upon it and it probably is good that I haven't been left to stew in my juices and worry but at the same time I haven't been able to comprehend everything that's happened.
Everything has just happened so fast. I'm only 30 years old,been only married 3 years this December and was at a point of trying to sort out my life and BAM! I'm hit with a new reality: I have Cancer. This is no longer "someone elses" disease, it's mine and like it or not I have now become a part of a statistic. Can a person truly understand the full reality of that? I don't think you can, but what I do know however is that I will fight this with everything in me and then some. I come from a family of fighters and anyone that knows me knows that I can rumble with the best of them. Hopefully my spunk and fight will serve me well with this new development in my life. Yes I have Cancer, but Cancer will NOT have me. And I won't let it define me.

~Tara

The next step

I received alot of information this morning and I'll be honest in saying I'm still trying to comprehend it all. Here is the nitty gritty: Horatio was a low grade malignant tumor and on a grade scale of 1-4 he was a 2. A grade 1 tumor is benign and therefore a grade 2 tumor has equal non cancerous
and cancerous cells and it isn't a fast growing tumor. Actually when asked how long my tumor had been growing the Dr said at it's size and rate of growth it had been growing for at least 10 or more years.
Onto what to do about it: I had bloodwork done today to determine whether or not I have a specific chromosone in my body that would allow me to take a chemo pill. This pill is specific for brain tumors and I actually have a neighbor that is on a chemo pill for her luekemia and it's suppose to be alot less harsh on
your body than traditional chemotherapy. Once they review my MRI that I will be getting done on Nov 26 they will at that time determine what radiation will do as well. The bottom line is that because of my age and general health they want to attack this aggressively and although at the end of the day it is my choice what to do they want to go at it full force with radiation treatment and chemotherapy. Now, again I'm REALLY hoping that I have the right chromosones for the pill treatment because it will be a lot less harsh on my body. That's it for now really,
I just have a lot of appointments coming up in the next 4 weeks and meeting with many spcialists as well. Keep smilin, that's what I'm telling myself.

~Tara

Appointment Tomorrow

So I recieved a call today from my Surgeons office letting me know that I have an appointment tomorrow morning with the Juravinski Cancer Centre in Hamilton at 9am. What exactly I will learn tomorrow I have no clue but I would assume this is where I would get more information on my specific tumor, treatments available, etc. I need to stop by my Surgeons office to pick up my original MRI from him and then go by the Cancer Centre for that appointment. At least by tomorrow afternoon I should have a better understanding of what's going on and what my next course of action is.

~Tara

And so you have Cancer...

I spoke to my Surgeon today and he said that the Pathology results came back and that as he suspected my Brain Tumor was a low grade tumor, when I asked whether that meant it was malginant or benign he simply said that doesn't matter to him. lol nice eh? He didn't mean it as he said it I'm sure haha but still, I did comment to my Mom later that ya know it would be bad phone manners to simply call and say "so you have cancer, have a great day" LOL From what I know of Malignant/Benign tumors and such and the very little I researched online (hey I don't need to go crazy!!) a low grade tumor simply means it has more normal than abnormal cancer cells, it's more predictable and usually doesn't spread. I do see my Family Dr on Monday and he will have the results as well so any more specific questions I have right now I will ask him.

I have an appointment on Nov 11 with an Otpthamologist to see about my vision issues in my right eye and I also have to wait for a phone call from the Cancer Centre to meet with them. That's all for now folks!

1 more week

I went to my family Drs today to get my stitches and staples removed but he said that it looked like there was fresh liquid around the stitches so he wanted to leave them another week. In the big sheme of things it makes no difference really but I was hoping they'd be out today. I guess it's better though that he be more cautious than just jump into taking them out. I'm also waiting on the Pahtology results as well. I called my Surgeon today and he wasn't available and my Family Dr said he hadn't recieved any Pathology results so it's possible they just aren't in right now. Again we wait lol it seems to be the thing I do anymore, just wait. Other than that however I do seem to be getting around better. With being in the house I can walk some straight lines without the assistance of a cane, that's of course because it's familiar territory, but baby steps, one day at a time.

~Tara